BIRDS AND BEES
a ten minute play
for the 24-hour play fest fall 06
by Justin Hoffman
12-08-06
CHARACTERS
MARY
Dressed in overalls, flannel, and work boots.
SARA
Dressed in overalls, t-shirt, and work boots.
AMANDA
Rags sort of dress.
TIME
Present.
PLACE
A living room. One couch right side of stage. A door back stage
wall, opposite couch.
2.
SCENE 1
(In a dark place, AMANDA sits under a soft
spot. The rest is dark.)
AMANDA
(sings)
They took all the trees
Put ‘em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half just to see ‘em
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
(Interrupted by MARY and SARA entering from
left carrying a flashlight. We only see the
light jumping around. AMANDA stays quiet and
motionless.)
MARY
I wonder about that girl sometimes.
SARA
She’s coming down here all the time lately.
MARY
I guess I shouldn’t worry.
SARA
She’s just a little flighty.
MARY
Birds are flighty, not-
SARA
Then she’s a bee.
MARY
Let’s not say that.
(pause)
Why’re we down here?
SARA
We have to help her remember.
(The flashlight passes very close to AMANDA.
SHE shrinks back from it.)
AMANDA
If they find me I have to face them.
SARA
You know last night I came into this cave and she attacked me.
3.
MARY
What?
SARA
I couldn’t see her in the darkness and she jumped at me.
MARY
Sounds scary.
SARA
And she had a knife.
MARY
No wonder you put me in front.
SARA
Don’t worry. I checked the drawer, all seventeen knives were
present.
MARY
(wipes her brow)
Good. But just in case, I want you to know I’m not taking a knife
for you.
SARA
Why do you think she’s down here?
MARY
How would I know?
SARA
Maybe she’s trying to get away from you. I was thinking maybe you
did something to her.
(AMANDA begins humming the song.)
MARY
I’ve never done anything-
SARA
Hush. I hear something.
MARY
I don’t.
SARA
Well I do. There.
(MARY gets flashlight on AMANDA, who gets up
on the couch. Lights come up slowly on the
rest of the stage, revealing it.)
AMANDA
Dammit, you found me.
4.
SARA
Why wouldn’t I find you?
AMANDA
(points at MARY)
Oh good you brought her too.
SARA
She’s here to apologize.
(to MARY)
Aren’t you.
MARY
I am?
SARA
(to AMANDA)
She’s not that bad.
AMANDA
It’s always been so easy for you. You’re always coming home at
seven in the morning and no one says anything. She’s always got me
pulling weeds in the garden.
MARY
What’s her problem?
SARA
She’s obviously jealous-
MARY
Of you.
AMANDA
Six course meals, washing dishes, and nothing is good enough for
you.
(AMANDA gets on the floor and begins scrubbing
it. MARY whistles Cinderella song.)
SARA
She’s far out there this time, like she’s in another world.
MARY
What are we going to do?
SARA
I don’t know.
MARY
This place seems familiar.
SARA
What?
5.
MARY
Like that place dreams go to die.
SARA
Then should we leave?
MARY
We have to bring her back.
SARA
I don’t know.
MARY
We have to do something we can’t just leave her out here
SARA
Alone.
MARY
Did you bring that post card for her?
SARA
What post card?
MARY
From that guy she knew in school.
SARA
Oh. He was so cute.
MARY
She got it a couple weeks ago.
SARA
She does seem pretty alone. Go talk to her.
MARY
Amanda? Sweetie? It’s your loving sisters Mary
SARA
And Sara.
MARY
Do you think you could come with us?
AMANDA
(sings)
Don’t it always seem to go
(not singing)
Don’t it? Nothing ever changes!
SARA
(excited)
I’ve got it.
6.
MARY
Really?
(pause)
Well, do ya or don’tcha?
SARA
I don’t know.
MARY
I don’t have anything.
SARA
Okay, okay.
(to AMANDA)
Honey, Amanda. You’re never gonna get that post card in here.
AMANDA
Post card?
(SARA moves closer and AMANDA climbs up on the
couch to get away.)
SARA
That boy from school, a long time ago, he wrote you a post card.
MARY
It’s very sweet.
AMANDA
(defensive)
He’s just a friend.
MARY
Still.
AMANDA
Just because I’ve been here taking care of you boys.
SARA
What did you just say?
MARY
We’re not boys.
AMANDA
You’re clearly boys, look at those clothes.
(SARA and MARY look down in wonder. This
obviously doesn’t make sense to them.)
MARY
How did you she get us in clothes like this?
SARA
This is some swell trick Amanda.
7.
MARY
You really put one over on us.
SARA
Put us back in our normal clothes. We’re not your toys.
AMANDA
It’s my head you’re in!
(AMANDA jumps down from couch and watches MARY
struggling to breathe.)
MARY
I can’t breathe.
AMANDA
Of course you can’t.
MARY
I’m choking.
SARA
What the hell are you doing to her?
AMANDA
Don’t worry about it.
SARA
But we’re your friends, we’re sisters.
AMANDA
You’re next.
SARA
We’re your dream sisters!
AMANDA
And?
SARA
How could you do this?
AMANDA
She’s fine. When I come back she’ll be just fine.
SARA
Then why’s she on the floor looking
(pause as she comes and looks down at MARY)
well, dead.
(AMANDA snatches the flashlight, points it at
SARA. SARA slowly shrinks in the light,
dying.)
AMANDA
Your turn.
8.
SARA
Why’re you doing this?
AMANDA
What?
SARA
Trying to get rid of us, your friends, your only friends.
AMANDA
What?
SARA
I saw what that post card said.
AMANDA
So?
SARA
He wants you to go out with him.
AMANDA
I’m ready, I’m finally going to do this.
SARA
Then you won’t need us. We’ll be gone.
AMANDA
It’s time for a change.
(SARA is completely on the ground now. AMANDA
snaps off flashlight.)
(On the next song, the lights fade to just a
spot on AMANDA on third line. SHE returns to
the flashlight to the couch, sets it down, and
exits.)
AMANDA
(sings)
Late last night
I heard the screen door slam
And a big dream taxi
Took away all the old men
(Lights fade.)
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